I told the doctor to "give me pain. I approve of it"

With a throat as smooth as a lamb
and a voice like a branch not breaking..
-Patti Smith

Everywhere there are diseases. In the dark there are shadows to eat our sleep. My dearest friend you have been invaded, and who could protect you? Not I, for it happened while I was surely asleep and you were somewhere else..tangled up in the bed of some careless man. Where is Trojan Man when you need him? In commercials he only stops the hetero couple, and then of course to merely intercept an untimely pregnancy.
HIV is no death sentence, you say.
I say, yeah...death is sentenced to us anyhow.
I think but don't say
I still don't like seeing the finish line.
not mine, not yours, not anyone's.

I can't share this with you. What can I do with this worry, this empathy, this feeling of uselessness? You don't need it, you don't want it, and I can only smile and talk about the great music we will make together if I can ever lug my guitar and amp up those treacherous stairs to your place. I know how this stuff goes. Our shit is always and forever that: Ours. Our loved ones can only look at us and wince as they watch us sink or swim. If i had it too we'd be in it together. But I don't, so I'm not, so I'm just pressing my nose against glass.
I love you. You are not my best friend, you are an extension of my spirit. You put your arm around me and I remember who I am.