Everything is good these days but...all of my friends are dying..

Daisy may, and Lisa may but...nobody else really wants to stay.
nobody else really wants to stay.

So grief brings gifts of a bitter numbing...a way of pushing everything else out...Well I've looked this gifthorse in the mouth and only counted cavities. I've tried to find my tears hiding around the edges of things. Why can't I cry? This pressure is a blister..someone pop it, let it fester.. I've lost a phantom sister, I swear I used to know her but I look at these old snippets of celluloid and wonder.. I'm digging into pockets pulling change out to throw at the sky, saying "Fuck! How many quarters do you need to make enough change to change time..I will find it, just give her back, you know me, you know I can do it..." All the things I never said, all the things we never did... all spilling into nothingness I can't believe that this is it. My hands are full of crushed petals...fuck funerals! there ought to be a bomb let off, there ought to be murals..

Peanut, do you remember that tombstone we used to look at in the graveyard by the Marietta Square?

"A little one from us is gone, a voice we loved is stilled.
There is an Absence in our hearts which never can be filled"

-that goddamned thing keeps popping into my head over and over.

and this:

I choose not to remember
that I miss your arrogance
and I need your intelligence
and your hate for authority...

Goddamn the Sun.
Goddamn the Sun.
and Goddamn anyone
who says a kind word.

Oh little one...we hadn't seen each other for years. But at least I always knew you were out there..existing.