Excerpts from old tattered journal 4/03-7/04
6/16/03
There is a bug in my wine
You laugh and say
"Don't waste the protein"
and so I don't.
Somewhere between your choked sobs
and my wandering glass eye
a life fell into my glass
to die.
8/?/03
Ode to Millie Dickinson:
The Sun sat her fat ass down
on hills of bones and wet grocery bags--
sent Light sulking across the room--
like a child arriving for detention
Then Evening tapped its nails on my sliding back door
with a half-eaten bag of heart-shaped stars-
and expectations old as sincere valentine's cards--
But I'm drunk
and on the phone with the Moon
telling her
he ain't never gonna get down my pants--
ain't never.
9/4/03
Coffee is warm. I am cold. I have sickle-shaped eyebrows. You want your hair to grow in ropes woven in sleep. In the classroom heads are counted like beads on a rosary. I do not want my grandmother to die. I would break my body to pieces to keep a tear from her eye. Wonderful, soft woman..may your hands and face never be empty.
11/19/03
I am stranded in a cafe. It is raining. The rain is a philanthropist. The rain dutifully does what it does..falls..needing to hydrate you..it only knows it must wet you..and you must want it you need it don't you?..It knows nothing of lakes and plumbing and temperature..it waits patiently outside every shelter for you to come out and receive its gift and it is a gift a gift a gift..
But I am an ungrateful asshole..cold and weak.
and so I hide in this cafe.
11/24/03
Alot of false starts and misfires going on. I'm suprised my shit hits the hole in the toilet and doesn't fly back up to smack me across the face. Well, at least there's that.
Look at me..parading about as if I were some kind of nice person. Scandalous. I swear I'd sew my nostrils shut and live in a yogurt hut if someone would then assasinate that Jack Ass. Impeachment might do. What to do with rage? Use or Difuse?
12/27/03
Well, saw the sun set very soft over Georgia, I think. Was on the wrong side of the plane again to see Atlanta. A pilot sat beside me. I know this because he said so, wore a leather flight jacket and chewed a toothpick and the woman who sat on the other side of him could barely contain her soaking panties as she went on and ON Oh! You're a Pilot?! How exiting!..etc etc..
She asked him all about his life and thus..I learned this stuff about him as he politely and lazily answered her questions as if he were some Playgirl pin-up:
The Pilot lives in Orlando but works out of the Chicago airport. The Pilot is married with a daughter. The Pilot lives so close to Disneyworld that when his daughter was (is?) 2 years old, he would drive her by to see the fireworks so that she'd fall asleep in the car. His wife is a "smarty-pants" as he affectionately calls her and has her own home business involving vitamins. The Pilot is very proud of her. The Pilot is very solid and kind and would probably look good on cover of a romance novel. You can depend on the Pilot. The Pilot is on his way to work. The Pilot wants you to have a nice trip home.
7/1/04
"How can I use my intestines as a gift?"
There is a bug in my wine
You laugh and say
"Don't waste the protein"
and so I don't.
Somewhere between your choked sobs
and my wandering glass eye
a life fell into my glass
to die.
8/?/03
Ode to Millie Dickinson:
The Sun sat her fat ass down
on hills of bones and wet grocery bags--
sent Light sulking across the room--
like a child arriving for detention
Then Evening tapped its nails on my sliding back door
with a half-eaten bag of heart-shaped stars-
and expectations old as sincere valentine's cards--
But I'm drunk
and on the phone with the Moon
telling her
he ain't never gonna get down my pants--
ain't never.
9/4/03
Coffee is warm. I am cold. I have sickle-shaped eyebrows. You want your hair to grow in ropes woven in sleep. In the classroom heads are counted like beads on a rosary. I do not want my grandmother to die. I would break my body to pieces to keep a tear from her eye. Wonderful, soft woman..may your hands and face never be empty.
11/19/03
I am stranded in a cafe. It is raining. The rain is a philanthropist. The rain dutifully does what it does..falls..needing to hydrate you..it only knows it must wet you..and you must want it you need it don't you?..It knows nothing of lakes and plumbing and temperature..it waits patiently outside every shelter for you to come out and receive its gift and it is a gift a gift a gift..
But I am an ungrateful asshole..cold and weak.
and so I hide in this cafe.
11/24/03
Alot of false starts and misfires going on. I'm suprised my shit hits the hole in the toilet and doesn't fly back up to smack me across the face. Well, at least there's that.
Look at me..parading about as if I were some kind of nice person. Scandalous. I swear I'd sew my nostrils shut and live in a yogurt hut if someone would then assasinate that Jack Ass. Impeachment might do. What to do with rage? Use or Difuse?
12/27/03
Well, saw the sun set very soft over Georgia, I think. Was on the wrong side of the plane again to see Atlanta. A pilot sat beside me. I know this because he said so, wore a leather flight jacket and chewed a toothpick and the woman who sat on the other side of him could barely contain her soaking panties as she went on and ON Oh! You're a Pilot?! How exiting!..etc etc..
She asked him all about his life and thus..I learned this stuff about him as he politely and lazily answered her questions as if he were some Playgirl pin-up:
The Pilot lives in Orlando but works out of the Chicago airport. The Pilot is married with a daughter. The Pilot lives so close to Disneyworld that when his daughter was (is?) 2 years old, he would drive her by to see the fireworks so that she'd fall asleep in the car. His wife is a "smarty-pants" as he affectionately calls her and has her own home business involving vitamins. The Pilot is very proud of her. The Pilot is very solid and kind and would probably look good on cover of a romance novel. You can depend on the Pilot. The Pilot is on his way to work. The Pilot wants you to have a nice trip home.
7/1/04
"How can I use my intestines as a gift?"
posted by Human at 8:27 PM
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